10 ways I hide from my kids (Dad Edition)

Don't worry these strategies are universal - Dads, Mums, Grandparents, Carers - these can be used by anyone.

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1. Going for a sh*t (classic dad move). Everyday I have to go have a normal bowel function and it is normally in the morning (sorry if that is too much information). My wife says I time it for when the kids wake up and a nappy needs changing but it’s just my body. However, I do use that time to check BBC sports, sky sports and catch up with my correspondence.

2. The supermarket. I hate food shopping but now we have kids, we always argue about who gets to go for that little break. Pro tip: find the biggest supermarket in town so it takes even longer to walk around and find anything.

3. Kids bed after they are asleep. This one is sort of cheating because they are right next to you so I think this is more like hiding from parenting. That 10 minutes after the kids have gone to sleep and before you have to go downstairs to deal with life admin, you get to have a little lie down and scroll through your phone - like being in a spa.

4. The garage. Having never established a very good storage system for tools, excess canned goods, frozen foods and my drinks fridge. This is the perfect location to carve out a couple of minutes of time spent “finding” stuff I.e. me time baby!

5. Going to the pub. The not so inconspicuous hiding place remains the go to spot for hiding from the kids. It has everything you’ll ever need; sports, darts and that oh so sweet nectar that you can enjoy without children shouting in the background.

6. The office. In this world of hybrid working the office becomes the most unlikely of sanctuaries with on tap coffee, tea and not a small person in sight (unless you are in childcare). Added bonus - commuting listening to your own tunes/podcast without a single Disney track in sight.

7. The gym. A great spot for a bit of physical and mental well-being. Bonus if you can find one with a bar.

8. Errands. Not a single location as such but the opportunity to get out and about, squeeze in me time coffee or cheeky little cake whilst getting mundane day to day shit done (I can’t believe I just wrote that, I’m not who I used to be prekids)!

9. The tip. One man’s trash is another man’s come up - Macklemore.

10. 5* all inclusive adults only resort… wait this isn’t a wish list is it?