Mum (and Dad) Guilt
- shmummingclub
- Apr 23, 2022
- 2 min read
Updated: Apr 25, 2022
Mum guilt, Dad guilt, parent guilt, carer guilt – it’s the name given to the feelings of a guilt people have in relation to caring for their children. I don’t know a single person with kids who hasn’t used that term for how they feel – it doesn’t matter what background or walk of life you come from, the term mum guilt is international.
Mum guilt starts from the very beginning, before the suckers have even arrived! Mum guilt triggers are everywhere and never end – we’ve outlined a few below to show you how its never ending and at the end of the day none of it matters. As long as your child becomes a decent human being who is psychologically secure and loved when they walk out the door as an adult then you are winning!
Pregnancy
- Food choices ("Are you really going to eat that?")
- Weight gain or loss
- Vaginal vs C-section
- Medicated vs natural
Baby
- Bottle vs Breast feeding
- Baby led weaning
- Milestones
- Postpartum bodies
Kids
- School drop off
- Nutrition
- Screen time
- PTAs
Mum guilt is one of the biggest topics of discussion between our support networks and is why we decided to start this community. We wanted to create a safe space for parents and carers to discuss topics and be heard. Why is there so much pressure on being the perfect parent in 2022? The mental health charity Mind [1] notes that 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem of some kind each year in England and there is a similar statistic in the US. We are in an era where we have the ability to tap into mass amounts of information about anxiety, stress and pressure and yet when it comes to parenting we are still pushing really difficult pressures onto parents.
What is Shmumming? It’s a term we use to laugh when we’re doing something we think society percieves doesn’t necessarily fits the perfect Mum stereotype. It stems from being a “shit mum” = Shmum. We have used this term to get rid of ANY Mum (or parent) guilt at all, we all know that if you feel any ounce of Mum guilt then you are are a top parent – why? Because you care enough to feel guilty! So get rid of the guilt, forget social media, forget Karen with her manicure and home cooked cakes, forget everything and embrace shmumming.
Lets get rid of any mum guilt and embrace the occasional shmum moment. Happy kids eating nuggets in a slightly dusty house is 100% OK, happy kids eating a salad in a very clean house is 100% OK, happy kids eating pasta with hidden vegetables for 6th time that week is OK… you get the gist!
WELCOME TO THE SHMUMMING CLUB.
I would be really interested to explore guilt in same sex couples, and those that have gone through different routes to create their family. Really looking forward to reading and learning about different experiences!
You The Best ❤️
It is so true! There are tones of old school chauvinism throughout Mum guilt but that doesn’t exclude the fact that modern Dads feel that guilt too! Definitely takes 2 parents to create whatever balance for a family is right. We’ll be doing more posts on different country’s perspectives on parents to give a global view! We suspect every country will have their own set of triggers. Thanks for commenting - we love creating a conversation so please continue!
Good points made. I think there is more pressure than ever on parents and less family support than earlier generations had. In the West we want to show we are independent and apply this to parenting. Like we have to cope and not ask for help from others. I noticed mothers experience guilt more than dads, because expectations and pressure is much higher on women. Despite all the advances and fathers taking more home responsibility we don’t have the same expectations as women and that should change. It takes 2 parents to make a balanced family where children can thrive and develop.